The Official Writing Challenge
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This is the second Paul and Silas story I've read in the Intermediate level. Must be a popualr subject! You did a good job in writing this story. Although, I didn't feel the intensity of the situation or the joy after Paul and Silas were released. It seemed like the story was missing "something." But you have talent. keep writing!
03/15/06
I think it would have been best to stick with one person's POV--either the keeper of the prison, or Silas. This was a great approach to the topic--insight into familiar Bible stories is always welcome.
You wrote this pretty well, but to me, you kept a little too close to the original. I felt like I was just reading it from the Bible. For a retelling of a story, try approaching it from a different angle to make it fresh.
03/16/06
Also, you have a tendency to string two phrases or sentences together without punctuation. FOr example:
"The inner prison had no windows it was dark and dank at all times."
This would probably be better: "The inner prison had no windows. It was dark and dank at all times." Or you could use a comma/ semicolon.
That said, I enjoyed the story, especially the way you started it. Thank you and keep up the good work!