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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Enter (02/27/06)

TITLE: The Doorbell
By Rachel Rudd
03/05/06


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Ding-Dong

The man of the house walked through a grandiose room filled with the smells of a gourmet feast prepared for his party guests. Each place had been set with meticulous attention to detail. Everything shone of a delight in preparation and a love for those he invited.

When he reached the adjoining hallway, the magnificent dwellings ended. Here a simple homemade carpenter bench and a well-worn rug bid welcome to visitors. He designed the house in hopes that those who entered would see the beauty in simplicity before he overwhelmed them with grandeur.

Ding-Dong

“A bit impatient, aren’t they?” he smiled to himself and then peeked through the keyhole. “Oh, it’s Martin. Right on time, of course.”

He greeted Martin with a smile and beckoned him in.

“Hello, Jose,” Martin spoke in an arrogant voice. “Did you not think to send a car for me? I am the town mayor after all! I had to walk all the way over here. What kind of place is this you live in anyway? I thought you had money!”

Ding-Dong

Before Jose could get a word in edgewise, another guest arrived.

As Lillian came into the room, a look of consternation filled her face.

“Jose, I thought you invited us to a real feast, but by the looks of this place you would think we were on a farmyard. I better not stay. I don’t want to smell like sheep!”

A look of sadness filled Jose’s face.

Ding-Dong

When Jose opened the door, Lillian left without a backwards glance. A pretentious lady dressed in a long fur coat, high-heeled boots, and a hairdo a foot high then peeked into the room. She attempted to come through the door but her tall figure and loaded personality could not fit through the door frame! She simply refused to bend her knees. With a humph, she turned around and left.

Ding-Dong

Jose opened the door to greet the last guests to arrive. They were short enough to enter and thrilled to be invited.

“Jose!” They all screamed in enthusiasm as they ran to him with open arms. He laughed in merriment as they all attempted to crowd him with attention.

Martin glared with all his sternness. “What kind of party is this you want me to be a part of? Dine with dozens of children? Not in my lifetime! I’m going home.”
The door slammed behind his retreating frame.

After Jose hugged each of the small ones surrounding him, he called them in to the dazzling room that had been hidden from sight.

“Alright, my children. Let’s eat!”


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This article has been read 838 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Cheryl Harrison 03/09/06
I had to read it twice to really understand what you were portraying, but I love your parallel to the simplicity of the gospel and the faith of a child. Good job!
Val Clark03/10/06
The characters you chose show you have an astute observation of humanity, I loved the woman: 'loaded personality could not fit through the door frame'. LOL Good thumbnail sketches of your characters. A very visual piece, you gave me a clear sense of place. The enthusiasm of the children and Jose's response to them was delightful! Liked that this worked on two levels and the choice of Jose's name. Well done. yeggy
Phyllis Inniss 03/10/06
Nice job. The woman with the "loaded personality" who couldn't get through the door was a powerful message to those who are too preoccupied with self, as were some of the others. "Unless you turn and become like children you will never enter the kingdom of God" You said so much in your story.
Jan Ackerson 03/10/06
Wonderful bit of allegory, very clever! Thanks so much!
Venice Kichura03/10/06
Very creative take on a well-known parable. Happy Birthday, Rachael! You're a gifted writer!
Helen Paynter03/10/06
Fantastic parable. I love it.
Lynda Schultz 03/10/06
Great people picture and a marvellous reminder that to get into the kingdom, you have to leave all the "stuff" behind and come in simple faith. Good job.
Deanna Wessel03/10/06
Liked the allegory...and I'm thinkin' we all might be a bit surprised by who gets in and who doesn't...
T. F. Chezum03/10/06
Your portrayal of the adult personalities is very accurate. Nicely written story.
Beth Muehlhausen03/19/06
Nicely done! The "ding dongs" were sort of a comic relief...I found myself chuckling at the prospect of each new person arriving at the door. Love the connotation of childlikeness being the standard!!! Enjoyed this one very much. :-)