The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Wow! Made me want to hit someone, especially the way you report your daughter's words. I wonder if this would benefit from a little less detail - perhaps it detracts a little from the 'punch'. Great stuff though.
I believe the encounter had a more lasting effect on you than your children, but in the end you were reminded of our importance to God. I agree less detail might make more a better punch at the end.
I didn't quite get what the comment from the grandmotherly-type woman had to do with the story, but otherwise I enjoyed this! Good job, and too bad you got kicked out of the rally!