The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 995 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/07/06
I still want to know why they called it "Happy Hall" maybe I missed it. Very good writing.
03/07/06
Very moving writing. Thank you.
03/10/06
You did a masterful job of framing your story in the present, and including the lengthy flashback as the body of the story. Seamlessly done.
03/10/06
I liked your story...very touching. My sister's last few years were lived in a nursing home. My experience there made me think "happy hall" had something to do with alzheimer's patients. Not sure if that's what you meant?
03/10/06
What a bittersweet tale! The refrain 'same as always' just adds to the sadness!

The sentence, "My mom found me sitting in her room, still waiting for Cherry to come back, when she got ready to leave." should really be "When she got ready to leave, my mom found me sitting in the room, still waiting for Cherry to come back." The other way makes it sound like Cherry, not Mom, was getting ready to leave.

I'm sure that Joe was not being rude, just not wanting to be vulnerable again after Cherry's death. Even adults are like that. Thanks for sharing.
03/10/06
Very good story, well written.
03/10/06
A bitter sweet story. Well written, good use of the sense of smell. Hint: writing I saw rather than ' I could see' not only helps in a tight word count but adds to the immediacy of the piece. yeggy
03/12/06
A very poignant entry. A good lesson to all of us. Well written.
03/14/06
This was a marvelous version of the lessons learned in "The Road Not Taken". the details are so wonderful, they just pull you in as a reader.

With the way you write from a kid's view, you would think you were one once or something. *wink*

I absolutely love how you leave the reader questioning at the end. I makes the reader transfer those very questions to their own lives. It forces the reader to examine themselves without getting all preachy on them. I also love how the lessons are not just for the Christian, but doubly so for the Christian. Anyone could read this and walk away with the same lessons.

Thank you.