The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Pat Guy  
02/28/06
Wow! What an adventure! The loss of her hand saved not only her children but others. Many messages in this exciting read. Read like a movie - good job!
03/02/06
I'd love to know the "back story" here--this was very visual and exciting to read.
03/02/06
What a great tribute to Sparrow and RedB. I know they will just love it... Good job, you should have worked on WP with us....
03/03/06
Great job, and thanks for the tribute! LOL I, too, would love to hear more of the story. :-)
03/03/06
Very good story. It was like reading a movie. Good job.
03/04/06
Whew - such action and suspense! Well done.
03/04/06
Excellent writing here! And full of suspense!
03/04/06
:D GREAT! -and not just because I'm mentioned lol - I really enjoyed this - I want more! :)
03/05/06
Whoa!! I never knew my fellow FWers were space adventurers in real life! lol Great job, Deb!!!
03/05/06
This was pretty good. I'd encourage you on a few things. Do more showing instead of telling. Don't tell me what the Melokians did ... show me. You have a great plot and great scenes, develop them by using my senses. Also, watch your word choices. It's nice that water "graced" her cheek... but that really wasn't a "graced" type setting. It was a hard, rough, nervous, bad guys coming type setting. The water should have slapped her cheek. Each word in a story is vitally important. Spend some time making certain that each choice is the absolute best it can be. I mention these things because your storyline is strong, your plot is great, your use of God works into the structure. All is good... just tighten the little things up a touch. You'll be escaping from intermediate in no time. :-)