The Official Writing Challenge
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Wow! What an adventure! The loss of her hand saved not only her children but others. Many messages in this exciting read. Read like a movie - good job!
I'd love to know the "back story" here--this was very visual and exciting to read.
What a great tribute to Sparrow and RedB. I know they will just love it... Good job, you should have worked on WP with us....
Great job, and thanks for the tribute! LOL I, too, would love to hear more of the story. :-)
Very good story. It was like reading a movie. Good job.
Whew - such action and suspense! Well done.
Excellent writing here! And full of suspense!
:D GREAT! -and not just because I'm mentioned lol - I really enjoyed this - I want more! :)
Whoa!! I never knew my fellow FWers were space adventurers in real life! lol Great job, Deb!!!
This was pretty good. I'd encourage you on a few things. Do more showing instead of telling. Don't tell me what the Melokians did ... show me. You have a great plot and great scenes, develop them by using my senses. Also, watch your word choices. It's nice that water "graced" her cheek... but that really wasn't a "graced" type setting. It was a hard, rough, nervous, bad guys coming type setting. The water should have slapped her cheek. Each word in a story is vitally important. Spend some time making certain that each choice is the absolute best it can be. I mention these things because your storyline is strong, your plot is great, your use of God works into the structure. All is good... just tighten the little things up a touch. You'll be escaping from intermediate in no time. :-)