The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/22/06
This is awesome, a truly great piece of writing.
I found myself wanting to know more about their relationship. Why they were so close and why he got into trouble. Good job.
This has a lot of potential. I'd love to feel their emotion just a little more and know a bit more of the story. Good job!
02/23/06
As others have noted, this would make a great short story if you developed it more. What you have here is excellent. One little thing "bugged" me right at the beginning: "Maddie was a mix of emotion". A person can suffer from this but not BE this. Good job.
02/23/06
A moving story..I was a little lost at first with the fragmented dialogue, but then I was on track. I have to say his repentance was a little neat and tidy-seeming, like we missed something important from his time in prison. Write more!
02/23/06
Wow! I sure would love to know more! What a great story!
I love to write in fragments too and had to learn to combine them into a better flow of sentences - but I love fragments ... and this story. Well done!
Oh, yes, a very intriguing story that certainly does make the reader want to know more about these appealing characters! Good job!!
Intriguing story. I found the opening paragraphs a little confusing, and felt that they were the weak link in what was otherwise a well-written story. By the end I was connected emotionally and wanting to know more. Well done.
02/24/06
An intriguing story, and very well written. I would suggest that you quote what Rom 10:9 says, so that readers would know exactly why Maddie asked the (2)questions she did. Non Christians would not understand the questioning unless they KNEW what was in that specific scripture. (I had to look it up to understand myself) but, I liked the story, and it's a page turner. Nice job!
02/25/06
Excellent. I read this the other day, but could't comment then. It's a very emotional story, bittersweet. It's written very well and like others have said, it needs to be expanded. It's worthy of lengthening. Great job!
02/27/06
Good story idea. You could have fitted more into the story by simply beginning with, "She stared through the thick prison glass at the brother she had not seen for fifteen years." That way you get a lot of details out of the way and leave room for more description.
02/27/06
Congrats Garnet! Very nice story. It left the reader wanting to know more...
What a tear-jerker. Great job, Garnet! Very realistic and...plausible. Praising God for this story that parallels the destiny of the thief on the cross. Very well done!