The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/22/06
I love the rhyme scheme here, and the meter is nearly perfect. Lovely and charming all around. One suggestion: the many quotation marks make it hard to keep track of the two speakers. Consider putting Grandpa's words in italics, instead? But really, this is very minor, in a poem just full of tenderness and wisdom. Love it.
I love this meter! Unfortunately, it's not the most suitable for this type of story-line-thingie (sorry, my brain isn't working). You have a perfect meter here, and everything rhymes well. Oh, and I would change the last line to "His Spirit did ascend."

Otherwise this is a masterful piece and full of heart! Well done!
I do not know much about poetry, but I loved the rhyme and the rhythm. :o) Good job!
02/23/06
Well, I'm not a poet, but the rhyme scheme is amazing! Well done, wow - as for what could be improved, I'll leave that to a poet lol
02/23/06
Great poem. I loved the meter. Grandpa gave some sage advice.

02/23/06
You did well to convey such emotion contained in a strict pattern. Very well done indeed!
Such a tender poem of love between grandson and grandfather! Yes, I too love that enchanting rhyme scheme. Very appealing! Wonderful job! I enjoyed it very much.
02/24/06
I never could write poetry like this. Always apprwciate it when I see it done well. I really liked this stanza

“Time will soon reduce your grief,
But please stay strong in your belief.
For Satan springs up like a thief
With thoughts hard to defend”

Very very good. Thanks!
02/26/06
I thought the meter was off, because the last line rhymed with the last line of the next stanza that made it less than smooth to me. But what do I know? I am still learning too. My question is was this a young child? If so, the word choice was okay, if not then I would have liked to see a more adult flair.
02/27/06
Great message in here, and some good one-liners.
03/05/06
I liked the rhyme scheme, too...brings unity to the poem as a whole!