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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: End (02/13/06)

TITLE: The McCoys Reap Their End Results
By Cassie Memmer
02/18/06


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Thelma Lou snuck up behind the Hatfield’s cabin window. “Mmmm, the cimynon in that
thar apple pie shur smells good!” She took the sides of her apron in her hands, quickly
grabbed the pie and took off, her hair and skirt trailing behind.

“You come back here with ma pie, you thievin’ polecat! Harmon! That Thelma Lou
McCoy done stole yer pie agin!”

“Clara Mae, why da ya hafta keep puttin’ dem sweets on da winder sill? Ya knows
she’s agonna try ta snatch it.”

“I’ll fix her, Harmon, jest ya wait an’ see. When I git done with her, that worm’ll not be
stealin’ any more of ma sweets,” Clara Mae promised, with eyes squinted and one
eyebrow raised.

******
“Whad ya git this time, Thelma Lou?” Chester asked, his sloppy grin baring his
toothless gums.

“It’s an apple pie with lots of cimynon. Smell,” she said, holding it under his nose. “Now
git me some wood an’ kindlin in here an’ I’ll start supper.”

Thelma Lou pumped water into a big pot and started throwing vegetables into it. She
didn’t bother with washing or peeling them. “A little dirt ne’er did hurt nobody,” she said
to herself. “Whar’s that wood, Chester?”

Chester dashed back into the cabin, waving his tattered hat in the air, greasy hair
plastered to his head. “Them Hatfield mongrels has done stole the whole blasted wood
pile!”

“Well don’t jest stand thar with yer mouth flappin’ in the breeze, Chester. Go git it
back!”

Now Chester was thirsty and in no hurry to tangle with Harmon Hatfield, so he took the
long way... past his still. “Hafta check on things now and agin,” he reasoned. After
tasting, uh... checking the still’s progress, and finding it doing quite nicely, Chester fell
asleep on his pile of shelled corncobs. It was nigh dark when he woke up. “Mercy,”
Chester grumbled to himself, “I don’ wannna meet up with ol’ Harmon, but I kin’t face
Thelma Lou empty handed!”

He hurried over to the Hatfield’s, and there by the shed sat his pile of wood. “Shoot, it’s
jest too dark ta mess with that wood tonight.” Wondering what to do, something else
caught his eye. “Oh, looky what’s sittin’ in that winder.” Snickering, he grabbed the
chocolate cake and raced for home.

“Whar in the world have ya been, Chester?” Thelma Lou growled. “I be’n awaitin’ fer
hours. Ya kin ferget ‘bout supper!”

“Now, Honey Bunch, looky what I done got. A big chocolaty cake! We’ll jest have pie
and cake and coffee, okay?” he pleaded, hoping to persuade her.

Thelma Lou conceded, put the coffee on and they sat down to eat. “This here pie’s not
as tasty as it smelled, Chester. Tastes like rocks. Let’s try the cake.” And they began
gulping it down.

“Mmmm,” Chester smacked his lips, “now this here’s good cake! Shur is chocolaty,
huh? Slides down right easy.” They both savored it.

Thelma Lou ran her tongue over her four teeth. “Well that’s the end of that cake, we
done et the whole thing.” Thelma Lou drained her coffee cup. “Shur was tasty.”

“Shur was. I did good, didn’t I, Thelma Lou?”

She patted his grimy, gnarled hand and answered, “Yeh, Chester, real good. I kin still
taste the sweetness.”

“Sweets fer the sweet,” he tittered. With bellies chock-full of cake and coffee, the
McCoys fell asleep in their chairs.

Thelma Lou was the first to wake up. “Oohh, Chester, ma belly hurts. I gotta go out
back.” She jumped up, grabbed her stomach and exploded out the door.

“Wait! Me too, Thelma Lou. I gits it first.”

Well, Thelma Lou beat Chester, but she was flabbergasted at what she found. “Eek!
Chester! All the catylogs are gone! Them Hatfield vermin. Go git some of yer
corncobs. Oohh! Hurry!”

Chester sped for the corncob pile, but he got a shock there too. He ran back, hollering,
“Ooo, Thelma Lou, the cobs are all gone! Those snivelin’ good-for-nuttin’ Hatfield’s...
Oh, ma belly!”

******
“Harmon, are ya shur ya got all dem catylogs an’ all dem corncobs too?” asked Clara
Mae Hatfield.

“Yep, Clara Mae, ever’ last one of ‘em. Jest how much o’ that thar stuff did ya put inta
that chocolaty cake?”

“Enough, Harmon. Enough to put an end to those McCoys astealin’ ma sweets!”


Food gained by fraud tastes sweet to a man, but he ends up with a mouth full of gravel.
Proverbs 20:17 NIV


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This article has been read 1745 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Brandi Roberts02/21/06
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!! This was AWESOME!! I loved it!! You have a way of tellin' a mighty fine story! "Fer shur!" :P
Lynda Schultz 02/21/06
Absolutely marvellous. My only question: what was in the cake? Excellent job.
Marilyn Schnepp 02/21/06
I'm not much for backwoods type humor (different strokes for different folks, you know): however, this was absolutely "the living end" when it comes to humor! Very, very funny, and extremely well written! One of those type stories that you just can't wait for the next line, the next paragraph, etc. Nice Job!
Jan Ackerson 02/22/06
Good job with the dialect!
Shari Armstrong 02/23/06
RORFL!!!!!!! That is the funniest thing I've read in quite some time -I hope this places!!!! hehehe
Crista Darr02/23/06
Hey Cassie, great way to bring that Bible verse to life - hee hee. I thought you did well with difficult dialogue, but be careful. It can slow the story down some if overdone. I got stuck on "cimynon". Your title is perfect!
Venice Kichura02/23/06

very funny & excellent use of dialect!
Sandra Petersen 02/23/06
Great job!! And I'm not just saying that! The dialect was perfect throughout, the story line was great, and the Scripture admonition was illustrated nicely. I can't find a thing to pick apart.
The McCoy's kinda reminded me of Ma and Pa Kettle (and I loved the Ma and Pa movies!)
You done good, Cassie! Pardon the grammar!
Garnet Miller 02/23/06
Very funny. I liked it.

Anita Neuman02/23/06
Funny, funny stuff! Kept me laughing all the way through!
Pat Guy 02/23/06
I liked it when they 'exploded' out the door! :) (loved the squinty eyes too) Wow! What a blast to read! You done good on this here'un stery! :)
Linda Watson Owen02/23/06
ROFL! Oh, this is a gem for sure! Haha! This one sure adds variety to this week's challenge entries! So funny! Thanks for the laugh!!
Julianne Jones02/24/06
Ok, I think I got most of it except for the corncobs (and it might be better that I don't understand! LOL). I thought it was great and enjoyed the laugh - just won't be able to sleep for wondering about those corncobs! Well done.
T. F. Chezum02/24/06
Too funny. Great story.
Lynda Lee Schab 02/25/06
Too funny! Great visuals in this one and a clever take on "end" (obviously with more than one meaning in your story - LOL) Dialect was perfect. Very well done. Loved it.
Suzanne R02/27/06
I love your use of dialectical English here - it is really effective.

The plot - the writing - the whole lot is GREAT!

I'm still chuckling :-)
Dee Yoder 06/26/07
Very funny! I know what's in the cake and what the corn cobs are fer...ahem, for. Great story telling!
David Butler 06/26/07
I loved it. Especially the cyminon pah. DEElicious.
Sharlyn Guthrie06/26/07
Very fun, and I think it fit the topic well. Thanks for giving me a laugh this morning.
Joanne Sher 06/26/07
Oh, what a load of fun. No wonder it's a favorite! Thanks for diggin' it back up for us folk that wern't here when you first posted it.
Jacquelyn Horne06/26/07
Full of humor here.
Benjamin Graber06/27/07
LOL! This one is hilarious! Great job!
Loren T. Lowery06/27/07
Took me back to the days when I read and enjoyed "L'll Abner" in the newspaper comics on Sundays.
I definetely think you have a talent for this style of writing. Great job and thanks for re-posting for us to read.
Mariane Holbrook11/01/07
Oh my goodness, what fun! I felt like I was reading a comic strip and I kept wanting to read ahead and see what happened! You're a delightful story teller and no wonder you received so many excellent comments! It was that good!!!
Betty Castleberry06/25/08
I LOVE this! I've got a soft spot for "country folks." Great job with the voice. Nice touches of humor, too.
Loren T. Lowery06/25/08
Loved it the first time I read it and love it still as it brings back so many found memories of that crazy world I got to enter every Sunday when I read "Li'l Abner"
Sherry Castelluccio 06/25/08
What a fun story! The dialog is perfect! I have to leave for churh in a little while. What are the odds I'm going to be having that hick accent skipping around in my head? Too funny.
Catrina Bradley 06/25/08
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! Super good fun reading, Cassie.
Pat Guy 06/25/08
So perfect Cassie! I would know you anywhere! ;) *chuckle, chuckle, snort*

But I gotta know ... what was in thet ther chocolatey cake!