Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Selfishness (02/14/05)
TITLE: Dear God
By Jan Warrick
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I am writing this letter to inform you, that today, with this subject, I choose to be selfish. You know my heart, and you know I always strive to put others before myself, but I am having great difficulty with that today.
As you know, Aunt Ruthie called me this evening. She is concerned for mom. States she has complained of a terrible headache for the last couple of days, and has been going to bed early. Today she found her on the floor, and mom doesn’t remember falling. I am worried about her Lord. She is 2,000 miles away and there is nothing I can do but wait.
Lord, I’m scared that I won’t see her again. I am scared that you might take her home. Though that is wonderful for her, it is not so wonderful for me. Dad went home to be with you six years ago this month. I miss him terribly, but I know he is better off with you. I know mom misses him too and wants to be back together with him. But I don’t want her to go yet. I can’t imagine losing her too.
You have asked me to trust you, and I do Lord. You have said you won’t put me through anything I can’t handle, and I believe you. You have told me that you will never leave me or forsake me. I believe that too. You are Lord of my life. I have given you my heart and soul and mind. I have given you my life. But Jesus, I don’t want to give you my mom! I want her with me! You will have eternity with her Lord! You don’t need her now, do you?
I truly am being selfish Lord. Listen to me. Mom is lonely and often hurts yet my desire is to keep her here so I am happy. Why am I putting my wants before hers? I am doing the same thing with you. You have a plan for everyone’s life, yet I assume that what I need and want is more important than your plan for mom. This isn’t who you want me to be. This isn’t who you made me to be.
I humble myself before you Lord and I ask forgiveness for my selfishness. Help me put your will before my selfish desires. Help me put my mom’s wishes and prayers before my own. If she is ready to go home to you Lord, and you are ready to take her, let me not stand in the way. I just ask that you let me hear her voice one more time. Let me tell her I love her one more time. I trust you God, your will be done.
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