The Official Writing Challenge
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02/21/06
Interesting twist on the theme: enduring to the end. I would have wished for the kind lady to have given him a pair of "Biblical Blinders: with which to help him on his way, though. Nice job.
02/22/06
Would a young man talk to a complete stranger, and a woman at that, about this problem? I'm not sure...the writing here is very good, but it made me squirm a bit, probably the effect you were going for!
02/22/06
In my opinion, which is exactly what this little box is for (smile) - this is akin to SCI FI, which is something I'm not into...as it is fiction, "off the wall type stuff" and unbelievable! And that is what I see here...an interesing story, but "unbelievble". I know what the author is trying to relate...but this is a one in a million shot! Just chalk it up as one small opinion. However, the writing is very good. No flaws. Just great writing ability.
02/23/06
I'm not sure what you were going for. I understand feeling beaten down by temptation. It seems like the thing you want to avoid is always in your face. Paul talked about it when he said that the thing he wanted to do, he didn't, but the thing he didn't want to do, he always seemed to do. We all have that.

I do think that this guy may have talked to the female customer if just out of sheer desperation over his experience. I don't think he would have gone into such detail about his problem. The writing is very good.
02/23/06
Very good writing here. The character's frustration jumped off the page (screen) and you've given some great insight into the struggles that a lot of men face.

Although I'm rather self-conscious in a bathing suit, I now feel it is my duty to be seen as often as possible to distract men from their lustful thoughts. One look at Pasty McLardo here will cure them of that! :-)
Nice story and nice moral theme. I agree with what others have said about him opening up to a female stranger, but it is good writing.
02/25/06
I don't think you failed at all to get the point across! I could relate to this (my hubby delivers pizza part-time, but I don't think he's had the underwear at the door yet, but when my cousin used to deliver, one lady would actually drive by the shop, make sure my cousin was working, go home, order, jump in the shower and answer in a towel! She never ordered unless he was working.)

Anyway - I agree, tooooo many women have never heard of the word "modesty". I wear more to bed than most wear in public lol. Our daughter's not allowed to wear a skirt unless Daddy approves of the lenght -we started this at 3 years old!
02/26/06
Good writing, but I don't think God wants us walking around enduring to the end. What kind of life would that be? I would have liked the lady with the Bible to have given something more, maybe 1Cor.10:13. The ending left no hope.