Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: End (02/13/06)
By Tammy S. Eudy
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I am reaching beyond my limitations to touch the invisible God. Here I am God.
Sitting here in this vortex of nothingness, a thought reaches me in the fog of confusion.
The thought says, “I am here” thank God someone is. The loneliness can be a frightening
prison of isolation. So completely undone within myself. Reaching a place of surrender.
The fight has gone out of me, maybe that is a good thing. Fighting for what I want and
reaching with everything in me to hold onto the familiar. I have to let go, let go and see
what will happen. The worst thing that can happen is I will die in this place of adjustment.
Why this place of struggle? In this place of the unseen, seeing my own heart.
Now it is brought into the light. I see it, the motives that were hidden, now brought into the seen. The “I” in the whole of my heart, I see a big heart, but most of it is taken up with me. Ouch! I don’t really want to see this. How could it be, that the “I” is so big and the “He” (Jesus) is so little? No wonder I am in this place. Could it be the land of surrender that I have stumbled into or have I been driven into this place?
Driven feels like a more accurate description of where I am. No one would come here of their own free will.
I had my life planned and mapped out with great anticipation. Now I can’t find the map and I am no longer sure of my destination. The luggage I was carrying on this journey was thrown down long ago. I found out I couldn’t go far with that heavy load. No road signs in this place. Where am I? I feel so lost.
There is the voice again, “I am here.” It is getting louder.I follow the voice. I have no other recourse.
This is hard. Stumbling around in my heart, nothing familiar to me anymore.
The dark night of the soul, the dark place in the wilderness. Follow the
voice, “I am here, follow me.” Where are we going? "You will see, just follow me."
Ok, I will follow, maybe it will lead me out of this dry place. In the distance I see a sign. A sign, help at
last. I have His voice, and a sign. I reach the sign with some delays, but I
make it at last. The sign, a clue to where I am going.
The message on the sign drives me to my knees.
I lay down with my face in the dust and cry with everything in me.
I give up, I give up! There on a cross
beam are the words, The End. I hear His voice louder now, “I am here,
now that you have reached the end of yourself, the real journey begins.”
The next sign reads, Your Destiny.
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