Grave disappointment, pain and loss,
Depression, fear, within my soul,
As doubts begin to reign across
Events outside of my control.
I dare not open up, to speak
Of agony which fills my heart.
Tough changes hard to face - so weak.
A great life crumbled, fell apart.
The anesthesia calls my name,
Restriction beckons, I obey.
Distraction from deep inner pain.
And I begin to waste away.
I reason this wonít last for long,
A temporary crutch for soul.
Donít view this deprivation wrong.
Iím simply reaching for control.
Declining weight, a high for me.
I see this sickness as my friend,
Although, in truth, the enemy.
Will such destruction ever end?
Fall victim to deceptionís voice,
Delusion does not satisfy.
To stay or leave, must make the choice.
Inspired, find the will to try.
Illusion of it all exposed,
Antagonist has mocked my soul.
To rival I am now opposed,
But foe is in complete control.
Despair arises, time to face
Confusion, chaos deep inside.
Denial now with truth replace;
From what is real, no longer hide.
Determination rises up,
Prepare myself for crucial fight.
Of counterfeit Iíve had enough.
I forge ahead with all my might.
Need courage now to conquer this
And stamina within my soul.
I pray and find my strength in His.
I let my Lord be in control.
Feel hopeful with Him in command,
Convinced His love will calm my fears.
I rest inside His healing hand
As pain reveals itself in tears.
Companion never leaves my side;
Beside me when I face defeat.
Does not give up although I slide;
Heís constant, faithful, my retreat.
Performs His healing work in me.
Contentment occupies my soul.
I trust I will someday be free.
No longer need to seek control.
His strength my weaknesses replace
Enables me to forward go.
In humbleness, receive His grace
His favor overwhelms me so.
Leave harmful practices behind,
Feel healthy, free and whole again.
Through journey I have been refined.
Proceed with peace and joy within.
I revel in this blessed time
And gratitude pervades my soul.
To safeguard this new life of mine,
Iíll let my Lord retain control.
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