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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Control (01/30/06)

TITLE: Continuous Struggle
By
01/30/06


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I have a need for control.

Itís not something that Iím proud of.

In fact, itís brought me more shame than I care to admit.

When my husband and I were married nearly 10 years ago I volunteered to handle the finances, a task we both detested. My offer didnít stem from a gracious heart but from a need to once again maintain control of every situation.

I wish I could say that I was a faithful steward of the money that was entrusted to me and religiously saved every dime that wasnít earmarked for bills, food or rent.

Unfortunately that wasnít the case.

On more occasions than I can recall my unbridled spending has brought us to the brink of bankruptcy and divorce.

No matter what my husband does to try to reclaim control of the finances I always find a way to thwart his attempts.

Sometimes Iím astounded by my own deviousness.

It scares me how my need for control has so much control over me.

Does that make sense?

Being a Christian makes it even harder to admit my problem.

I should be able to ďlet go and let GodĒ take away my sinful desires.

He should be the one in control, not me.

To tell you the truth, I think I know the reason He is unable to help me.

Even as I pray for deliverance thereís a tiny part of me that is unwilling to give up that need for control.

Until I am willing to relinquish it all to Him, my finances, my marriage, indeed my entire life, I will continue to struggle with this problem.


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This article has been read 569 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Thomas Kimble02/06/06
I think you did a good job on this. I have a feeling that you are not just writing a story but telling it like it is. If so God can help you just like you said all you need to do is ask.
Good luck
Humorwriter
Alexandra Wilkin02/07/06
I agree - this is good because it is honest. Raw honesty can be hard to 'control' in words, but this was precise, disciplined yet remained immensley warm. Admiting that they are not, indeed should not, be in control is the hardest thing that any man or woman can do. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless.
Jan Ackerson 02/09/06
Well-written and real. Good job.