I did not want it. I did not ask for it.
I worked hard; I am devout in my faith. To have the goodness and blessing of the Lord upon me should be a great gift. But I did not want it.
I fled to Joppa, hoping to catch the next ship to Tarshish. I would not go to Nineveh. I would not be associated with the wicked or the damned. I could not be among the vile filth that did not understand the Lord.
The Lord, however, had other plans.
Now, here I am east of Nineveh, alone in my battered hut. From here, I can see the disgusting city, proud and full of its new glory in the eyes of God. I know the truth. They are pretenders – always pretenders – seeking wealth and power while trying to trick our Lord.
I see through their games.
The Lord will smite them. The Lord will keep His Word. He will destroy the city and show how those not chosen can never find the way.
I wait. I wait and I wait but neither day nor night do I see the smoke billow from the rooftops or His flames lick the sky.
He has offered them salvation.
"Kill me," I say aloud. "I had rather die than live to see this perversity."
But He does not. He offers me the shade of a plant only to take it away. He brings down harsh winds and sand, but He allows me to live.
"Why?" I ask. "Why offer them salvation? I have given my lift to You while they have lived in sin."
He whispers to me ways that only He can. He shows me things I do not want to see. He forces me to know things I do not want to know.
I understand now that He is preparing for greater things to come. I may not like it, and I may indeed loathe it, but I realize that I can no longer fight the tide that pulls me.
I was never in control. And I never will be.
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