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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Start (01/16/06)

TITLE: Start Over
By Jaki Ffrench
01/17/06


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Broken dusty dreams lying on the broken dusty ground,
Wounded by the past and far too trampled down,
I find myself crawling to the edge and leaning in,
Longing just to find the beginning.

Itís true Ė you can never leave the past behind,
Old wounds heal but they heal with scarred reminders,
And somewhere between the smile and the tears,
Is the yearning to turn back the years.

I have many bad things I have done it is true,
I shoulder my burdens and I know you do too.
Canít go back and take back the pain I caused,
Canít go back and give back that caused to me.

Iíve fallen one too many times before,
Canít force myself to walk on anymore,
Out of the darkness of my doubt and pain,
Comes a soft gentle voice, like welcome rain,

Start over. Begin again,
Let me take it all and carry your pain,
Let me give you a chance to begin,
Come to me child, Let me take you in.
A bruised reed I will not break,
A broken heart I will not forsake,
And you will never be alone.
Start over, begin again.


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This article has been read 566 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marilyn Schnepp 01/23/06
The poetic flow isn't there - but the message IS! And I loved the last verse - supurb! An excellent "take" on Start...starting over and beginning again. Very well done.
Karen O'Leary01/23/06
Good message--but could use a little better flow. Best wishes with this poem.
Jan Ackerson 01/24/06
Your last stanza is absolutely lovely. To improve your "flow", try reading your poem aloud, counting syllables in each line. They should be the same, or nearly so, with a pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables. Keep it up--you have great promise here.
Alexandra Wilkin01/25/06
As Jan said, a great deal of poetic promise here and the excellent adivce on how to structure this has already been provided. The message and the feeling cannot be faulted and I really liked the last stanza. God bless.
Phyllis Inniss 01/26/06
I like the poem; should a poem always flow? Your feelings came through loud and clear. That's good.
Amy Michelle Wiley 01/27/06
I like it. Wonderful message!
Shari Armstrong 01/27/06
A nice message that even when we think we can't start over, God is right there to help us. Well done!