I went to my mother’s gravesite on Christmas Day…my father and my brother are buried there as well.
Kind of tough, visiting with my wife’s family (whom I adore), and then going out to the cemetery to spend a few minutes with my own.
The last time I saw my mother she was complaining of having difficulty breathing so we took her to her doctor (a muscular specialist) at the Medical Center in Houston, TX. We drove from Dallas. One would think, since my mom had ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis), better known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, that I would spend the time from Dallas to Houston seeing to her comfort.
I spent the time asleep in the back, getting rest so that once I dropped my mom and dad off at the hospital, I could head directly to my brother’s, who happened to be living in Houston at the time, and spend the rest of the night ‘partying’ at his house.
As soon as we got into the city my dad, who was driving, woke me up. I didn’t appreciated being disturbed.
I was in a bad mood.
And it showed…
As soon as we pulled into the parking lot I jumped out of the van, grabbed the wheelchair, opened the passenger side door, and somewhat forcefully placed my mom in. Her shoes were on the floorboard. I grabbed them and again, somewhat forcefully, placed them on her feet.
She looked up at me and smiled.
I didn’t smile back.
My mother died that night.
My dad called the next morning over at my brother’s house, where I was nursing a major hangover.
“Your mother’s dead.”
That was eighteen years ago.
I’m coming up on ten years sober now.
I praise the Lord for my sobriety. I praise the Lord for my family and the forgiveness they’ve shown me. I praise my Heavenly Father for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and His never-ending supply of grace and mercy.
But I miss my mom.
I wish I could tell her I’m sorry.
I’ll get the chance.
Perhaps it’s true that on this side of heaven I can’t go home again. But one day I will. And on that day, ‘Lord please come soon’, on that day I will put my arm around her shoulder, kiss her cheek, and tell her that I love her.
I miss you Mom.
See you soon.
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