The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/19/17
We all have memories of selfish moments we experienced as children and the guilty conscience that comes with it. Very nicely written. I would suggest paragraph breaks to make it flow better and in the last paragraph I noticed a question mark where there should be a period. Great job tying in God's word and your final thoughts.
05/21/17
Wow! This was a powerful and all engulfing piece with an amazingly prolific message!

I loved the entire piece. I could definitely relate to the "brand new box of crayons" each time I got that huge box of crayola crayons, I handled them with care...and always saved the silver and gold for special pictures, I enjoyed the glitter! I also loved the scent of the crayons. I closed my eyes and still see and feel the vibrant colors and smell the scent!

Your conclusion massive in its meaning and content.

Great job!

I pray this does well,

Blessings~
05/22/17
Outstanding piece. So real and so emotionally enticing.

From the very first paragraph I was "you". That is a sign of great writing. I could smell those crayons, remember my broken crayons.

And it continued throughout the entire story. Super, super job.

This is one of my favorite reads. A winner in my book and I will certainly look for your future stories. God bless.
This is a powerful story. I like how you started with a relatable true story before delivering a great message.

My only suggestions are minor. I might consider starting with more of an attention grabber than asking the reader a question. Example: Guilt weighed on my six-year-old mind. I had done a terrible thing and it still haunts me today. (That's a bit dramatic to show my point, but as talented as you are, you'll be able to find a way to draw the reader in more with your own word. Also note that I hyphenated six-year-old mind because I combined words to make one modifier. The other advice would be shorter paragraphs with more white space (double space between paragraphs).

Overall, you did a great job, and I enjoyed your fresh take on the topic. Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 12 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
Sheila, this is a lovely story/devotional, so full of words of encouragement and hope!