The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 782 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
01/09/06
ROFL! You totally had me! I was thinking, "wow, this is sort of provacative..." HA!
I'm with your wife on this one. I see absolutely nothing beautiful about any spider - except when it's smushed between a tissue. I know it's brutal but...it's a woman thing. (shudder)
LOL I liked this! You had me going too!
Wow, on the edge of my seat wondering how you had the nerve to submit this. That is, until I got it!
Great Job...Recognizing the beauty in all of God's creatures. You fooled me too!
01/10/06
As I read I wondered too,with much effort ,I read through,then I got it.What made me laugh out loud were my fellow members`crituqes.I`m in with you there.
01/11/06
Very interesting, I like the title and later the explanation of what a red back spider is.
01/11/06
Now that was a good read- very intersting. Too bad it was about a spider, they aren't my favorite of God's creatures. :)
I was initially horrified that someone would submit a story like this for a Christian review. That is, until I got to the end. Very clever. And yes, I love that you added the informational paragraph at the end. Great way to bring it all back together.
A side note: My family (husband and five children) and I were forced to surrender our home to an infestation of brown recluse spiders last year. My husband had a similar experience...he captured 26 of them in a coffee can. We endured some hefty financial losses, but have realized that God wanted us to be where we are now. Even the seemingly bad things have a way of turning out right when God puts His hand to it.
01/12/06
Now, why on earth would anyone feel so fond of a spider?????? Seriously, though, good job of writing, and of pulling your readers' legs.
01/12/06
Funny! I enjoyed this story and the notes. Good job!
Very intriguing. I wondered at first if it was a snake although you probably wouldn't describe a snake as dressed in red (even a red-belly black). Very well done. And the shortness of the piece worked in its favour (any longer and your readers might have started getting upset with your 'fatal obsession' LOL).
01/13/06
"Her obsidian eyes..." - wow! Well done!

What a clever concept!
01/14/06
Sucked me right in! Well done. Yeggy
01/14/06
"A typical man", I thought to myself. Well, you fooled me - and I'm so glad that you went to the store to purchase the spray! Very well written!
AND such a sneaky way to invite us into your web...by portraying the typical masculine line..."My Wife Doesn't Understand". Nicely done.
01/14/06
I was intrigued by his captivation with "her". It's almost as if the husband is putting himself in an Indiana Jones-like adventure movie, and then his wife breaks the spell.
Typical woman, rather than kill it (and she obviously doesn't like it) she wants her husband to catch and release. I've been the woman in that story, only my biggest dread is mice!
A couple of technical things: use of commas and semi-colons as opposed to breaking a longer sentence into two smaller ones.
Example: "I suppose you’d call her ingénue, petite, perhaps even delicate, but she is strong there is no doubting that, she is strong and dangerous; the danger excites me." I would put a period after "but she is strong"(or maybe even combining the two times you mention she is strong and say "she is strong and dangerous"), make the next phrase "there is no doubting that" a stand alone sentence, then a semi-colon and "the danger excites me".
Just want you to know, I was not offended in the least since I wrote "The Sweet Fragrance of Evil" for another Challenge and that was definitely not for sensitive Christian ears!
01/14/06
I wasn't offended, either - but I was very curious to see where this "Christian" story was going! Even with all the other surprise endings this week, you still managed to keep me hooked right to the end. Great job! I would suggest a few touch-ups on your sentence structure, but other than that, this was a great story!