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The doors were all locked and the windows shut tight, and every littler whisper caused an incredible fright. Where was Jesus in all this turmoil, in all these weeds that invaded my soil? I tried so hard to run away from it again, while all I really needed was a trustworthy friend.
There’s a light I see through the front window, maybe a glimmer of hope I could get to know. But the ghosts of my past are clamoring for me, and my future has become too small to see. I pray to the heavens to please let me in, for clemency and forgiveness of all my sins. I pray to Jesus like only me He can hear, no matter what’s over there I need Him to be here.
But there’s an emptiness inside like an extinct volcano, no passion’s lava is there from me to flow. How can I escape from anything when it’s all around, and the sanctuary I’ve been seeking I still haven’t found? I knock on the door even louder this time, to perhaps eat of the bread and drink of the wine. I’m outside where the world can hurt me bad, and my tears betray that indeed I am sad. How can I confess to a dragon I must slay? Is there a witch to whom a favor I can pay?
Now I scratch at the window in desperation, my cowardice dissipating all traces of inspiration. I am a forgotten soldier in a lonely ancient war, and I wonder who in hell I’ve done all this for. I who never truly loved enough to ever marry, now I have this self-inflicted cross to always carry. I know He showed us all the way to resurrect, but my God in me your Son I do not reflect. I am simply a human lost amongst my dreams, a shadow of the ambitions I had in my teens. The coming of age I aspired to make, now appears so shallow and purely fake. And even my growing years have not added an ounce of wisdom, instead I’ve only learnt how to restrict my freedom.
Is there no one in this house with a warm welcome, a tender hug and a sincere “Well done”? I don’t really merit the love or kindness, but I counted on redemption I guess. All I really want is to cross the threshold and go inside. I don’t even care anymore to run and hide. All I really want is to be seen and acknowledged, not even totally understood and accepted. All I really want is to find Jesus on my path, so that I could maybe temper God’s wrath.
I don’t even remember how Jesus loves us, with all the evil that makes the world thus. I don’t even remember how to say ”Our Father”, so many years ago deciding to not even bother. And what about “Hail Mary full of grace”? I’m so ashamed to have forgotten her face.
Oh God, what have I done to you my Lord? I have been so wrong in my discord. Can you ever forgive me for my frailty? Will you ever show me your eternal divinity? I don’t even know if Your love I’ll recognize. I don’t even know how your name I can patronize. I am scared of your divine magnitude, scared to get lost in my endless solitude. Won’t someone let me in to this closed abode? I swear it will be the end of my road. I can’t escape from the world anymore. Won’t somebody please open this door?
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