Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: TRUST (07/21/16)
- TITLE: In Pieces
By Julie Berry
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I closed the door and turned to walk back down the hall. I caught a glance of my reflection in the mirror. “Geez, I look awful.”
I made it to the kitchen, poured myself another cup of bad coffee and sat down at the table. I had so much to do but I just couldn’t find the strength to get up off that chair and get my day started.
The memories, both good and bad, flooded my thoughts. It had all started like a fairy-tale with dreams of forever, the happy family with 2.5 kids and a cute house surrounded by a beautiful, white picket fence. The first two years were amazing as we started building our life together. One by one over the next five years, the girls arrived – each one a single, solitary beauty and the joy of our hearts.
Those two starry-eyed newlyweds were now parents juggling three kids, two jobs, bills, day care, play dates, business trips, church and on and on. There wasn’t a dull minute in any 24 hour period and life was crazy but we made it work.
When did it all change? What did I do wrong?
“I’m leaving you.” Thirteen years of devotion and love shattered in a million pieces.
It has to all be a bad dream, right? I’ll wake up any minute to find him in the kitchen making the girls laugh as he fixes them breakfast.
“Lastly, I promise to you perfect love and perfect trust”. Those were the words he spoke to me on our wedding day.
Trust. A word Webster defines as “a belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, etc.
I believed in his promise. I believed in that “perfect trust”. I believed we’d be sitting in our rockers on the front porch in our golden years reminiscing about the past and watching the grandkids play in the front yard.
Now I’m in my kitchen still numb, in denial and trying to summon the courage to stand up and put one foot in front of the other.
I’m too ashamed to call anyone or reach out for help. I’m not ready to admit I’m a failure. I haven’t even wrapped my head around what I’ll say to my daughters.
I pull myself together enough to make it into the bedroom. I reach for my Bible on the bedside table.
I turned to Psalm 31:14 – “But I trust in you, Lord; I say, “You are my God.”
The tears silently fall as I realize that there is a trust I still believe in. I won’t be okay today or tomorrow or maybe not for several weeks or months. But my healing and comfort won’t rely on a desire that my husband will return or that I’ll find some magic potion that will wash away all the pain.
My hope is in the only One who can say, “I promise to you perfect love and perfect trust” and never go back on His word.
In an instant my world fell apart. In an instant, my dreams for the future were forever changed. I am determined not to live the rest of my life in regret and bitterness and despair. I will learn to trust again and come out on the other side of this nightmare stronger than I ever believed possible.
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