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"Diary of a girl unseen."
April 10,2000-
Friends, are they really? Colors and gangs. Today I had to attack an old friend outside of the store.
I felt so cold inside. How could I do that? Am I that mean of a person? I held back the pain and the look
in her eyes as I ran to the leader. Iwas hugged and accepted into my mew family. We partied.
I was lost in the bottles and the high. Free. Flying higher away from this chaotic world. Friends couldn't
wake me. I could barely hear my name. Shaken. Wakened. Oh God how could I be back here. Sirens. People
running. Left alone to bear the pain, again.
April 13, 2000-
I can't take any more of this. Fighting. The beatings. This is supposed to be my home. When will it
stop! No food. No money. Mom's strung out on her bed. A strange man is walking around my house half dressed.
I think he's high. He offers me some. It's new to me. I've heard about the great high. But somewhere deep
inside I feel a strong desire to say no. But the pain takes over as this strangers hand touches my skin. I
taste. I sniff. I float away.
June 3, 2000-
Darkness. Pain. I'm locked in this life and I can't see a better way. Mom kicked me out after she
woke up, and saw her new friend lying next to me. I tried to explain. I don't know what happened. I felt so
betrayed. What did he do to me? No job, no home, no money. My girlfriends told me I could make fast money
selling tricks. I had no idea it would come to this. Why was I born? Men use me. I feel so dirty. Trapped.
Will I see 18? Where can I go? Who can I trust? Are you there? Will you answer? Tears. Can't hold them
back. No one at the shelter to see. Flowing faster and harder, I let go.
June 4, 2000-
People passed me on the street. Do they even see I exsist? Will they help me? Would they understand?
Then a woman walked by. Did she smile at me? When she looked at me I felt a strange emotion inside. What was
it? She reached out to touch me. I pulled back. She gave me a card. A simple note that I was loved. Could
it be an answer? An address and a number. Back to the shelter. I lay on my bunk staring at the ceiling.
Today seemed so different. What could be happening? Should I check into this place? What will by girls say?
June 7, 2000-
Open doors. Smiles. Greeting. Why did I come here? This was crazy. Oh no here she comes. THe woam
from the street. She saw me and it was too late to run out. Where was I going to go anyway? To the shelter,
to the dealer, to my pimp? No this was better. Deffinitely better. She said she was happy to see me again. No
one's ever happy when I walk into the room. She led me to a medium sized toom. She say beside me quietly.
Someone was going to the microphone. My heart pounded as he shared a story about his life. Blood. Pain. Prison.
Death. Jesus.
June 14, 2000-
I'm back. I listened again to another story. Could it be real? They got out of here. But how could I
escape? A short prayer. No one heard. God help me if you're real? I know I can do better than this.
(last entry)
Sept.5, 2005-
A box arrived at my door today. A card saying happy 20th birthday. Love, Mom. Shocked I looked inside.
Some small items, and I saw a small book marked with my tears. My diary. I cried as I read. It seems so long ago.
I looked across the room at my daughter in her father's arms. I was out. God rescued me. Mournign turned to
happiness. Darkness turned to light. The chains holding me so tight were broken. I was free from it all. He
helped me escape.
(final entry- Diary of a girl always seen)
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