The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
12/10/15
These three stories together make an lovely Christmas trio, all tied together by the steaming meal, common through the ages.

I did feel, however, that the stories weren't equally compelling. The middle story, about the writing of "Away in a Manger," lacked the character development of the other two, and seemed more like a nonfiction report about that song.

In the third story, you made a common error in punctuation of dialogue. It's in this sentence:

"If the Savior has been born, we need to leave at once.” said one.

In that sentence, the period after 'once' should be a comma (you make the same error three paragraphs later). It's tricky, but the best way I've found to remember it has to do with the dialog tag. If it contains 'said' or some other word having to do with the act of speaking, then you'd use a comma. If the tag contains an action other than speaking, use a period. So you'd have something like:

"Let's go." Joel tightened his sandals and started walking toward Bethlehem.

Also in that story, you've got a comma after 'So' at the beginning of a sentence. Commas shouldn't be used after small conjunctions there.

Those punctuation errors are very minor and easily corrected. The first and third stories here are both fine stories that drew me in with good pacing and well-written dialogue. I enjoyed them immensely.
12/11/15
Wow, this entry was powerful and so engaging in detail and events. I loved how they all connected and brought forward an important message. I loved this piece, thanks for your creative entry.

Well done,

God bless~
12/16/15
Thanks for sharing your interesting story. I enjoyed the way you used three different settings to tell the Christmas story.