The Official Writing Challenge
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I think this story has the potential to be a brilliant suspense-filled story. The fact that it is nonfiction makes it all the more exciting.

I did notice you had some comma and semicolon mistakes. When using a semicolon or a comma before a conjunction make sure that you have two independent clauses on either side of the punctuation. This is one of my favorite resources for punctuation:

I also think if you tightened up some of your sentences, it would leave you more room for showing instead of telling. For example:
Just as the sleeper bus pulls out of the station, a sudden jerk lurches me forward. Looking up, I groan as three late-comers board the bus. My husband pats my leg and raises his right eyebrow. "You don't know why they were late so don't get upset. The delay won't affect us at all."
Of course, I realize I did quite a bit of improvising and it may not work for you, but I wanted to show how dialog and body language can paint a picture for the reader, develop the characters and move the story along.

You did do a nice job of transitioning between paragraphs and making it smooth and easy to read. I can only imagine the terror and the thoughts that must've been running through your mind. The ending was great too. I think you wrapped it up succinctly and were able to weave in a lovely message as well. I'm terrible with titles, but make sure your title doesn't give away too much. Although I suspected the three last-minute boarders would be trouble, I may not have if you had titled it differently--perhaps The Midnight Bus to Fortaleza. (Like I said, titles aren't my strong suit.) I liked the Bible verse at the end. It's a great fit and a wonderful reminder of God walking every step next to us (or riding on every bus). You did a great job of writing on topic, and your story is definitely different from a typical weekend getaway. I enjoyed it, and it kept my interest from beginning to end.
Wow! That was scary!
So glad you weren't harmed and that you were relatively unscathed. God was protecting you for sure.


Thanks for sharing this amazingly well written and gripping entry.

God bless~
What an amazing true tale. I am glad that God's protective hand was on you and your husband.
Congratulations Pat!

Again, so happy and thankful that God's grace and love protected you all.

God bless~