The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I enjoyed this. I think you did a fine job of establishing the atmosphere. I could feel the trepidation as I read. My heart ached for the MC. I also knew exactly what you meant by the sweet smell of the baby. Having a newborn fall asleep on you is a huge blessing.

My only red ink would be to encourage more showing. I know you needed to tell the back story, but perhaps you could have done more showing. For example: Exhaling deeply, my breath scattered the pile of bills. Tears flowed freely as I gathered them up again. <>>Is it selfish for me to go to the cabin? After all... it's already paid for.
By using thoughts and actions, you can paint a picture for the reader while developing the characters.

I loved the way the little girl prayed for her aunt. There's nothing quite as wonderful as being humbled by a child. You also were spot on topic and it felt fresh and interesting.
I love reading people's testimonies. Praise God for yours. Maybe some conversation would liven it up a bit.
Fabulous job with this touching piece. I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for sharing it.

God bless~
Though fiction, you wrote with such an authentic voice that I could easily believed it as nonfiction. That shows a keen ability to impathize, and get inside your characters heads, which makes for a very enjoyable style.
Your story flows well, with clarity and warmth. Well written.
Fiction! Well, it felt real. I guess we'd call that 'good writing'. I bought in and had the warm fuzzies by the end.
I thought this was an outstanding take on the topic and very uplifting. I felt that the voice sounded so authentic that initially, I thought it was a true story. That's the mark of a very good writer. I'm looking forward to reading more of your pieces. Well done!
Great job on this. Very authentic, keep it up!

God bless~
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 12 overall! The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
So glad to see how well this did. Congratulations!