The Official Writing Challenge
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A very descriptive entry, I loved the imagery, altho it was a little hard to read without a solid rhythm. Thanks for sharing!
12/12/05
Perhaps a story, instead of an unrhyming poem would have been a better choice - but what do I know? I appreciate you sharing it with us. God Bless!
I agree--you probably really have a short story here. The flow is very awkward; sometimes it rhymes and sometimes it doesn't. An interesting perspective though. I'd try it as a short story, but that's just an opinion. Keep it up!
12/14/05
An interesting question, like the old standby about the chicken and the egg. I've never thought of that before.

I'm not sure what the last line of the 1st verse means.

Work with this one a bit--it has potential.
I think I know this author. If I'm right, you're experimenting with style, and I say 'Yay for you!' Experiment boldly and have fun with it!