The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 829 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This was beautiful! Minus a few typos, missed words and punctuation, this would be perfect! I loved how you tied the title in with his name and what happened to his love. Thanks for sharing.
great imagery. nice tie into the title there at the end: i didn't see that coming. really grips the reader. nice work.
12/12/05
Very creative and yes I could really see the image you were trying to create. Nice!
I loved this article. It wsa more than "nice" it was amazing. I was on the edge of my seat during the entire article and not only that I loved how much depth the story had. No sugar coating here, only substance. Amazing work!
12/14/05
The ending, the play on words and feelings, is perfection.

I was confused by the beginning; too many pronouns. I didn't know who "he" and "she" were, nor what had happened to whom. Three readings later, I'm still not clear.

You're a gifted reader, and you captured Lane's despair perfectly.
12/16/05
I meant, you're a gifter "writer." Although you are probably a gifter reader, too! LOL, sorry.
12/16/05
I should just give up. Gifted. Writer.

There!
12/16/05
Wow! Nice job! You grabbed hold of his grief and didn't let go. Loved the wordplay, too.
12/17/05
Amazing work in capturing the detail in Lane's struggle. A thorough proof-reading would bring this piece to perfection.