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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Trees (12/05/05)

TITLE: No Changing Lane
By Kenny Blade
12/05/05


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There was nothing that she could have done. That’s what the officer said. Stuck in the left lane. Semi on her right. Bronco barreling down on her at breakneck speed. He fell asleep and crossed the median. It was rush hour traffic. Every lane filled with commuters headed home after a hard day’s work. She had nowhere to go.
The paramedics said it happened so quickly. They she didn’t feel anything.

He understood.

He didn’t either.

He laid his cheek against the rough oak and placed his hand over the carving where he had once traced hers. His hand engulfed the smallish outline of her fingers and palm. He slowly traced his index finger over the initials carved inside the handprint.

S.T.
+
L. F.
4-Ever

A tear traveled down his face and rested in the corner of his mouth. It tasted bitter to him. “It should“, he thought. Bitterness was all he had left inside. He pounded his fist in anger on the old tree. Screaming so loudly that nothing audible emitted from his lips, he buried his face into the split of the large branches.

His world had disintegrated. She was leaving him. He knew that. Not this way. She had changed these last months. He saw a difference in every aspect of her life. She tried to explain. He couldn’t hear. He wouldn’t hear. No one told him how to live his life. There was no changing him. It was a fad he surmised. Just a salve for some guilt she struggled with. That he would never understand. She was perfect in his eyes. She stopped seeing herself through his eyes. She said she still loved him. He couldn’t share. He wouldn’t share. He’d lost her heart to someone else.

He wiped his eyes and opened his clenched fist. Buried in his palm was a note. She’d begged him to read it. He was afraid of it’s contents. He had put it off then. Now he had time.

I’ve found someone who loves me more than anyone else.
I have given Him control.
He has my heart and my soul.
He has given me eternal life in return.
He loves you too.
Let him change your life as he has mine.

Love, Shannon

Why hadn’t he listened to here while he still had the chance. It wouldn’t have mattered. What remained of his heart knew that. This new life had worked for her. It made no sense to him. Where was this eternal life He promised? She said she had given Him control. Now she was gone. She said that they could be together forever. Now he was alone.

He pressed his fingers against his lips. He touched them to the initials carved in the old oak. He closed his eyes and kicked the chair from under his feet. He hung from the tree above the spot where they had once held hands and planned their future. He glanced at the initials as he slipped into unconsciousness. He thought of what the initials had meant.

Shannon Thompson
Loves
Lane Francis
4-Ever

Only one problem.

There was no changing Lane.


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This article has been read 663 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Brandi Roberts12/12/05
This was beautiful! Minus a few typos, missed words and punctuation, this would be perfect! I loved how you tied the title in with his name and what happened to his love. Thanks for sharing.
Kris St. James12/12/05
great imagery. nice tie into the title there at the end: i didn't see that coming. really grips the reader. nice work.
terri tiffany12/12/05
Very creative and yes I could really see the image you were trying to create. Nice!
Jessica Schmit12/12/05
I loved this article. It wsa more than "nice" it was amazing. I was on the edge of my seat during the entire article and not only that I loved how much depth the story had. No sugar coating here, only substance. Amazing work!
Jan Ackerson 12/14/05
The ending, the play on words and feelings, is perfection.

I was confused by the beginning; too many pronouns. I didn't know who "he" and "she" were, nor what had happened to whom. Three readings later, I'm still not clear.

You're a gifted reader, and you captured Lane's despair perfectly.
Jan Ackerson 12/16/05
I meant, you're a gifter "writer." Although you are probably a gifter reader, too! LOL, sorry.
Jan Ackerson 12/16/05
I should just give up. Gifted. Writer.

There!
Jeffrey Snell12/16/05
Wow! Nice job! You grabbed hold of his grief and didn't let go. Loved the wordplay, too.
Crista Darr12/17/05
Amazing work in capturing the detail in Lane's struggle. A thorough proof-reading would bring this piece to perfection.