The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/13/15
Well-written story. I'm glad God was with you out in the hay field, and that He is still watching over you from day-to-day.

I hope you had no long lasting health problems. Was it heat stroke or something else?
06/14/15
Good job.Now I want to hear the "rest of the story".
This is a powerful testimony. I grow up across from a farm, and I know how farmers depend on the weather. It can be quite stressful for sure.

My main red ink would be your opener is passive. To really hook the reader, I'd urge you to use active sentences like this:
The thunder rumbled in the distance. Tilting my head back, I wiped the sweat off my face. Time for action;I'm running out of options.
This hopefully sets the scene and paints a picture for the reader. By adding the sweat, it also shows it's hot, and he's worried.

I think you did a great job of the rest of the story. I liked the open ending. I'd guess some might want to know if the MC had a heart attack or a stroke, but it doesn't matter. It's amazing how technology can help us in time of need. I believe that God has a plan for it all. You also did a great job of showing how difficult it is to bale hay. Those suckered are heavy, and you took me back to my childhood with your delightful piece.
06/18/15
Congratulations on your 2nd place in Level two.
Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 17 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.