The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 677 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is an interesting approach. I kept wondering what the lady had to do with spring!
12/07/05
My clumsy self would like to know how to "stumble gracefully". :)

My romantic self loves the story and wants to know more. (Like, why does he seem to know her and love her, and yet she's never even met him before? - Sounds like an interesting history!)

My picky self would've preferred a stronger opening to clarify who was telling the story. You were in 3rd person talking about a woman stumbling along, and then you were in 1st person talking about stumbling along - I thought it was the same person, but that you'd switched POV. Obviously, I realized that I was wrong, (and if I'm the only one who made that mistake, then please just ignore me) but I would suggest some minor rewording to clarify that.

Overall, my critiquing self really enjoyed this entry! :)
12/07/05
Be careful of starting with a pronoun, when your reader has no idea who "she" is. If you don't want to name her, then try something like "A woman in a red dress stumbled..."

An intruguing love-at-first-sight story. I'd like to read what happened next.
12/09/05
Is it a child? Is it a man?...I wonder. I do know the lady isn't new to the person..they've seen her before according to the first paragraph. A mystery here...but perhaps above my head. Anyway, intriguing, and kept my attention until the end. ".....And then?"

Yes, I wanted more. Smile.
12/09/05
Delightful love story (even if it is one-sided at the moment!)during the season of new love. I enjoyed the intigue and the setting very much.