The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 719 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
11/28/05
This is a very good start, but needs polishing. Some of your rhymes are forced and the extra line at the very end doesn't quite fit. Overall, the message of the piece is quite beautiful and romantic, and for that, you are to be commended.
12/02/05
Read this outoud, the pace and beats will become more evident.
12/03/05
The sentiments in this were so very sweet and precious. The phrase that especially caught my breath: "I am your friend and you are mine, sweetly unique and beautifully kind." True, the rhythm at times is a little off. Like Dub said, reading poetry out loud will help you determine the accented and unaccented beats of each line. Then you can adjust the line to fit the pace you established with your first stanza. Some of the lines don't have to rhyme, the words can be similar, but as Anita said, too much can make the rhyme sound forced. This is a very good love poem, and any woman would be delighted to know it was written in her honor. Keep writing!
12/04/05
I agree that this was written as a special love poem...your wordage was beautiful. I am unfamilair with poetry but felt the depth of the words themselves.