The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
11/28/05
Your first two paragraphs set this up really well - great suspenseful mood. And you followed it through with a believable story - except for the very last line. I like that you want to include the element of hope, but I found that ending to be a bit cliche. Overall, you did a great job on this. Well done!
You hooked me in and the suspense was great! Although I expected the end to be a little different, I really enjoyed your story! :-)
12/01/05
You kept the suspense going very well. The ending did seem a little too predictable, but those types of witness have happened. I knew a person who managed to keep herself from being raped by witnessing. She did, however, receive bruises and a black eye.
Satan does not want the person doing evil to be saved. There would be resistance.
12/02/05
Well-written. I don't think you needed the last paragraph--let your readers draw the conclusion. And I'm not sure what that look would look like. But I really liked that she "gave him" what she had, just as she'd promised. Nice touch.
12/02/05
Nice update of the biblical story! Believable and suspenseful beginning. Enjoyable read. Yeggy
I agree with the other commentors. But this kept my attention--I enjoyed it!