Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Pen and Paper (07/17/14)
TITLE: Seek and You Will Find
By Donna Tijou
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Dear, sweet Steve, my high school beau. I spotted him the first day of Algebra class, freshman year, melting when I gazed into those deep blue eyes. He approached me as I was leaving class and said,
‘What do you think of Miss Boyle?”
“She seems mean,” I said with trepidation as he neared. He was actually talking to me.
“Yeah maybe, but I think she’ll be fair. I’m Steve and you’re Debra, right?”
I couldn't believe he knew my name. Then he smiled and walked me to my next class. My heart skipped a beat. Young people that age can be quite silly, and I was, but he seemed different, more mature. I was instantly in love.
Dating throughout high school and beyond, we attended the same junior college, then went to different senior colleges. We didn’t see each other much during those last two years and on into grad school except for semester breaks and summers off. We dated others, but never pressed each other for details.
Finding jobs at different schools in our home town, I became an English teacher, he, math. That few years spent apart actually strengthened our relationship and the following year we married. It was a big affair with our families, friends and colleagues in attendance. As the bridal couple, we danced in sweet marital bliss, so deeply in love were we.
Our combined income gave us enough to buy a small house, just as I had always dreamed. We settled in like responsible adults, only, shortly after, I experienced a growing restlessness, not wanting to be adult-like. Steve was more accountable; I just wanted to be carefree, but there was no room for that.
We now have three children - Bobby, nine, Samantha, eight, and little Stevie, just turned six. They are the lights of my life, and I love them madly, but want to run away. I want to explore the world and find out who I really am. Is that bad? I don’t mean to be, I just want to be free. But what is freedom?
I know the bible says, “ Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32). Looking for answers, I went to my trusted pastor, Reverend Michaels, the one who married us. Crying tears of frustration, I asked, “What is freedom? What is truth?”
He contemplated; leaning back in his chair, he thoughtfully replied, “Debra, I know your family and I’ve watched you grow. I’m sorry to hear you’re in such distress. There are no easy answers, but I invite you to meet with me twice a week and together we can delve into God’s Word.”
So that’s what I’m doing; Pastor Michaels is helping me seek God for insight. I don’t feel much better yet, but perhaps I’m getting closer to understanding myself. I’m not sure of anything, how I got so confused and how to find my way out.
Our sessions are good; I don’t feel judged by Pastor Michaels, just loved. He leads me through Scripture. One that sticks with me is: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:8). I’m not sure where the door is that I’m supposed to be knocking on, but I’m looking, waiting.
I beg You, God, please help me before I hurt a wonderful man and three precious children with my unrest. Show me how to seek, knock, and find. I need Your help, dear Lord. That’s all I can ask.
I’m putting away my pen and paper. I won’t write this letter to Steve, after all. I guess my selfishness and immaturity is leading me to be sinful. Somewhere deep in my soul I know that my life is with my husband, children, family, job, and most of all, God.
Our Heavenly Father gives us choices and free will, but with that comes a certain responsibility to love Him back with heart, mind and soul, and to love others as He loves us (Mark 12:30,31). I am counting on Him to show me how. I know He will.
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