The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 355 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
06/05/14
Wow! This was intensely powerful in execution with a prolific ending.

Well done.

God bless~
C. S. Lewis would have you repenting and being baptized for the forgiveness of your sin and being given the gift of the holy spirit showing you were now a child of God.

I liked the way you showed the ways of the world can not satisfy those who God is calling to himself. We answer God's call by obeying Jesus.

Good work.
06/07/14
Good story. It made me think about Pilgrim's Progress and the naming of the characters to match their character.

The only red ink I have (not that I know that much about writing!) is this: It felt like the second section was broken up into a few too many paragraphs, making it a little harder to know who was speaking.

I liked the description of being a companion to confusion. If the devil is the author of confusion we should use the feeling of being confused to identify his work and resist it.

Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. James 4:7-8)
06/07/14
This is very good. Your MC is a strongly defined character, and you did an excellent job of letting your story unfold for us.

I would very much like to see this done up as something longer, with room to explore each of the characters in more detail.

Excellent job!
06/07/14
This is excellent. Your characterizations are spot on. A unique and original take on the topic and kept my rapt attention.

You should move up quite quickly.

Great job here!
06/07/14
Intense, it had me from the beginning! Gripping read. ,I would have liked to have seen the title though, "I had Come Home" instead of -rejected and cast out-...i know cast out from the world, into His presence but being the beautiful ending and all. Just me and titles. Well done!
06/07/14
Oh, this is very good! When you said "How deep is this darkness?" I immediately thought of the opposite and the song "How Deep the Father's Love for Us." Nice job.
06/07/14
Right from your first Challenge entry you have been a writer to take notice of and have got even better.

Noting the comment about paragraphs above, but in the first section, paragraphs 18 and 19 should be one paragraph.

There is no change of subject or speaker, Confusion simply expands upon his first question; "God? What about Him?..."

A powerful ending and an excellent tale from beginning to end.

Blessings.
06/09/14
Very perceptive material, with a touch of Pilgrim's Progress. Well done.
06/09/14
I love the personification and the description!

Great job!
06/10/14
Well done! I enjoyed this very much. My only suggestion is you might rearrange these sentences:

It didnít matter where we would go. We didnít belong anywhere. We would go with the wind and see where it would lead, although I had no hope of finding a better place.

The day we left, World cackled and sneered. A smirk was painted on his pompous face.

"Crazy fool. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Glad to see you go."

The character leaves and talks about how they didn't belong anywhere, then you go back to World's comments. Perhaps "The day we left" might go better after the two sentences about World. Just my opinion.

Again, very well done!
06/12/14
Congratulations on your EC placement this week. I had hoped this one would do well, it was one of my favorites!
Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 16 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
06/13/14
Congratulations JK!
Once again, no surprise here.
WEll done.


God bless you~


P.S.I've decided to copy & paste when it comes to your entries! mMkes it easier for my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
06/13/14
Correction:

P.S.I've decided to copy & paste when it comes to your entries! makes it easier for my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome




God bless~
06/15/14
What a genius idea to make the World a character in your story! By personifying it, you made it more real. Smart. Congratulations!
06/18/14
Congrats. So imaginative and enlightenng. You can read it over and over and still gain more each time.