The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/22/14
Great job!

I enjoyed it from start to finish.

God bless~
This is a really good article. Nothing fancy, but written with the correct words to bring the reader in, and keep him there from beginning to end. I am no expert whatsoever, but I know a good article when I see one. This is a very good article indeed!
I really like the idea behind this story. I think it is quite creative to do a modern take on the familiar parable.

Some things seemed slightly out of place. It's hard for me to see a grown man giggle and how can he sprint down a busy subway area with his hands over his face. I realize you used it to make sure the story was on topic, but you nailed the idea of a facepalm.

I liked your ending too. I could easily picture the MC burying his face in his hands. You did a great job of building the suspense too.
05/29/14
Congratulations!
God bless~