The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/21/05
Interesting free verse, I wonder if you have read this outloud, or had someone read it to you outloud. The rhythm changed too often to make it comfortable.
Striking...I love your format and words and spirit intertwined with the piece...You are my kind of poet...Spirit and style make for a extraordinary piece here...Juanita Pittman-Brown
11/24/05
The thoughts here make me wonder if you are speaking of a writer's block or the slow steady crushing of the inner spirit after too many trials and disappointments.
I would use the refrain "in my life" more sparingly; the poem will still hang together (this was advice once given to me from my husband about one of my poems after I began to read it aloud to him!)
Was the absence of punctuation intentional? My own thought is that the use of periods and commas to complete a thought might actually encapsulate them so that they could be pondered one by one. Overall the thoughts were well-expressed.
11/26/05
I also feel that "in my life" was used a few times too many, becoming predictable and not as free flowing as it should be. I enjoyed the flow of the poem though. A little tweak, and this would be fine. God bless ya, littlelight