The Official Writing Challenge
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Pretty good narrative examination, however, to make this move and more attractive, change the abundant descriptions into dialog. The story will be much more realistic.
You have a great idea here and a good understanding of the time and setting. I agree with Dub though - include some dialogue to make this piece really sing! Good work.
I agree. I enjoyed reading your story, but I believe it can use some dialogue (I would like to see more story too.) Nice post. God bless ya, littlelight
I thought this was very good, good imagination too or who knows it could have happen that way.
I hope these are used in some Sunday school classroom!