The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/13/14
Great job with a familiar story in the Bible!

Nicely done.
God bless~
03/14/14
You did an excellent job of retelling this unforgettable story - even your title rhymed. ;-) You definitely stayed on topic with Jonah in deep water and in deep trouble.

Just a bit of red ink for a few rhythm missteps. Also, this line in the third stanza, " Because I was foolish to fulfill your call"...made me wonder if you meant "too foolish to fulfill," or "I was foolish not to fulfill..."

Rhyming comes in different forms. Here's the link for additional information about other variations. http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=67&t=30013

I love this line: "True worship unfolds from the heart
within."
Some places read smoother than other but the story was told.

This is a story from God about second chances. I am thankful he gives them (many times).

Read it out loud to yourself and see if you notice any rough spots. Maybe a longer or shorter sentence will make it smoother.

Thanks for the reminder of "second chances".
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 25th overall! The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
03/20/14
Congratulations on 1st place