The Official Writing Challenge
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I like this devotion. You started off with a real life story that pretty much do everyone can relate to.

You may want to start with more of a hook. Perhaps a detailed description of Bill getting the better of you. EX: Out of nowhere, Bill pounced and wrestled me to the ground. Just as Mom heard us, Bill slithered away to the barn and I got the stinging end of the switch as Mom tanned my hide for messing around.
Though not perfect, I hope it shows you what I mean. I also used a tongue in cheek form of the topic,

Your ending was great. The transition to the Bible story was smooth and natural. You made me stop and think which is always a good thing. You brought the story full circle and did a great job overall. Keep writing and reading!
02/28/14
Beautifully done. I loved this. Thank you.

God bless~
03/06/14
Congratulations!

God bless~