The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 167 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
02/20/14
Sad story, happy ending, I liked it.

Just a note.. you use "isle" instead of "aisle" and "damn" instead of "dam." That's all. Thank you for sharing!
02/22/14
Well told...a heart wrenching story that probably happens all too often. Thank God that there are Christian centered people placed at the right spot where the Lord leads them.

Loved the story, and it's filled with hope at the end.

God bless~
I totally enjoyed this heart-wrenching story. You introduced the conflict right off the bat and had me hooked instantly. You also did a nice job of building the suspense throughout the entire story.

I have some little thoughts for you. You may want to consider italicizing thoughts. It helps them stand out more and makes the reader actually shift her focus when she realizes it is a thought. You did a fabulous job of using the MC's inner musings to develop her character. I could feel her roller coaster of emotions. Double check the rules for quotes and comma usage (almost always the punctuation goes inside the quotation marks)

One thing I struggled with was the child's one blue eye. Although I think you meant that only one eye was peeking out, it sounded like maybe one eye was blue and the other another color.

I totally loved the description of the snotty nose. I know some people get grossed out by details like that, but I totally love it because it is so real. It made me shudder, want to reach for a tissue as your descriptions pulled me into the story making me feel like I was right there. Great job on that! I can tell you're working on showing not telling and doing a fantastic job of it.