The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/24/14
Great dialogue and descriptive language. I would leave out the word "nervously", and show how she looked nervous instead. Nice writing voice - thanks for sharing.
01/25/14
Very prolific in terms of what many people are facing these days. Great job with this, I felt the frustration and felt the anguish in the husband's position.

Well done.

God bless~
You did a nice job with this piece. I liked how you introduced the conflict right away. It drew me in and make me want to keep reading.

I was a tiny bit unsure why he was supporting two families. I think you could have immersed it in the dialog a bit more.
You did a nice job with this piece. I liked how you introduced the conflict right away. It drew me in and make me want to keep reading.

I was a tiny bit unsure why he was supporting two families at first. I think you could have immersed it in the dialog a bit sooner. For example something like: "Well, you're the one that asked me to move next door with my sons."

You do a nice job with the dialog. It makes the characters feel authentic. You also nailed the topic. It was an interesting read from beginning to end. Nice job.
01/30/14
Thank you.
01/30/14
Congrats!!!

God bless~
Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 34 overall! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards)