Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Straight From the Horse’s Mouth (11/14/13)
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TITLE: Roman Soldiers | Previous Challenge Entry
By debbie edwards
11/21/13 -
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“Of course.” His son said in a deeply sullen voice. “This is Passover. They always freshen up the guards because of all the crazy people who try to kill Pilate. Like he is really worth saving.”
“Shhhhhhh!” his father jumped in his direction while spit flew from his mouth when he hushed his son. “Do you want trouble? Even the rocks can hear around here.” He whispered loudly.
“It was said last week that the stones would cry out in praise for him if no one else did.” his son moaned and dropped his head.
“Yes and as you can see ahead of us where that kind of talk brought all of you.” His father sneered and started to bear down on the table with a rough cloth and rub the tabletop hard to create a shine. Or, at least try to. His son looked up for a moment to watch the soldiers stand around the cross where the messiah dangled in excruciating pain.
“Why are they doing this?” he thought deeply. “He did nothing wrong! Nothing wrong!” he tried to hide his face from his father while tears escaped from his eyes and down his cheeks. Marcus wiped the tears in anger with the sleeve of his tunic. It was too late. His father scowled while he watched his son try not to cry like an abandoned baby.
“Do you remember when you ran so very far to listen to him while he stood on the mountain to preach?” his father asked while he continued to rub the table with great strength.
“Yes.” Marcus answered and picked up another small piece of cloth to help his father rub a shine into the table.
“You weren’t going to go.” His father said in a kinder tone. “But the metal worker’s boy what’s his name?”
“Crispus.” Marcus answered quietly while wiping an oil stain out of the bottom corner of the table.
“Ah Crispus that’s right.” His father smiled with gleaming pearl white teeth. “He convinced you to go. And you ran all the way from here. I cannot get you to run that fast when I call you to help me at the market.”
“I wanted to hear what he had to say father.” Marcus stopped rubbing the wood. “I had such an anger. A raging powerful fire anger that consumed not just my heart but my whole being against the Roman soldiers who ran over my grandmother who was also your mother with their horses just because she could not get out of the way fast enough. They could have waited for her to cross the road but they didn’t. They thought they had more important things to do than to wait for a poor innocent older lady with aching hips and legs to walk across the road. She had plenty of years left to live before God called her home. I had so much consuming hate for every one of those soldiers and their horses.”
“Those horses were just gentle beasts willing to do what their riders ordered. I do remember that you wanted to join a band of Zealots to secretly kill each and every one of those soldiers.” His father said.
“Yes.” Marcus answered with a very far away voice. Crispus convinced me that this prophet the messiah taught about love. He could take away any hate that was in the hearts of man. He could also take away blindness. Not only the blindness that man had who could not see the good in the poor beggars but true blindness that people were born with. He cured the lepers right before my eyes! I helped a lady who could barely walk because she fell out of a tree where she was picking fruit and her leg was broken in five places. Jesus cured this lady right before my eyes father! But the part where I decided to follow him was after I brought the lady to him and he healed her, he turned to me and touched my face. Then, he looked deep into my eyes. He had so much love in those eyes as if he knew me all of my 16 years of life. When he looked into my eyes and held my face he whispered ‘Follow me son. Drop all of your hate. It’s not worth carrying it. Take up your cross instead and follow me.’ Then, I watched his disciples catch his attention in other directions while they started to walk down the mountain. Then suddenly, he turned and looked at me one more time and smiled again as if he had known me all of my life. Ever since then, I have not been the same Father. I have no more hate for anybody especially the Romans. I used to tease them and run. They would bring their horses through the village to water them. Sometimes the high-ranking Romans came with the red feathers on their helmets. The higher the plume of the helmets the more they acted like they were Gods. When they came to the well for their horses my friends and I would yell at them and tell them “Hey, I understand you have the hardest backside ever to ride a horse and no legs to carry yourself you lazy fat pompous idiots! Ask the horse you are riding he knows. I heard it Straight From The Horse’s Mouth that that’s where you think instead of your head.”
“It’s a wonder you didn’t get caught.” His father chuckled.
“No we were too fast.” Marcus smiled. “Once we shouted those things we took to running between the rocks while they walked around the area to find us. They never did. Crispus who knew why I was so mean to the Romans and didn’t want me to be beheaded or wind up in a Roman jail. So, he persuaded me to go listen to the messiah at least once. And that’s all it took. Marcus smiled a far away smile and started to rub the wood again.
“Lets go to where he is.” His father winked.
“I thought you didn’t like him.” Marcus looked at him confused.
“I know.” His Father sighed and put down his tools. “But if he could set the heart free in my son with just one look, then he can cause me to take a look at him one more time. Even if he is dying on a cross for crimes he did not commit. By the way, now that you have been set free from such hate how do you see these soldiers who pinned him up on a cross with no crimes?”
“They’re just carrying out orders Father.” Marcus answered and started to quickly walk down the road with him. “They cannot help it.” His father smiled while they walked quickly towards Golgotha.
“That’s what I was hoping you would say.” He replied.
While they were almost running towards the gruesome scene on Golgotha, they were filled with dread. Neither of them had been at The Place of the Skull. Their strict Hebrew religion did not permit them to even be near it due to some of the bodies when hung on the cross they were left to rot in the sun for the birds to peck and the wolves to feast on. The two tried to ignore such grizzly sights. All they cared about was to see the messiah one more time. An odd thing happened while they ran closer to Jesus. The sky was darkening as if nighttime was approaching early. There was an odd feeling in the air as if something was about to happen. They looked up to see Jesus heaving last breaths barely able to talk. They ran through crowds past weeping women and jeering young couples.
Just as they arrived towards the foot of the cross, they found them selves around people who had been broken and crying for hours. Suddenly they heard a yelling voice from the Messiah screaming from the last of his energy “IT IS FINISHED!”
An arm of lightening cracked across the sky bringing wind and thunder when it was just bright and sunny two hours earlier. They suddenly grabbed each other while the earth shook in terror. People fell around them unable to resist the hard shake of the earth.
“Maybe you are right.” The father shouted above the din. “Not just any man can create such fury from God.” They watched while the strong wind swept the head of Jesus while it was hanging and moved it as if it were a rag doll.
“I am sorry son.” his father tried not to allow any tears to gather in his eyes. “We are too late.”
“No we aren’t Father.” Marcus answered. He reached over and put his hand on a kneeling weeping soldier who had blood on his hands and a wood maillot sprayed with blood tucked into his belt. The soldier was also kneeling with his helmet tucked under his arm. “What have I done?” the soldier wept. “Truly this is the Son of God.”
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Nicely done.
God bless~
Keep a continuity of emotions in the time frame.
Also the rocks would cry out praise to Jesus and not Pilat.
It would be easier for my old eyes to read with an extra space between the paragraphs. (To keep my place.)
It seemed a little long, but maybe it wasn't.
Jesus will change us when we obey him.
This is a good start to writing.
Try not to worry about taking these topics literally as it's more about if you want to know the truth go directly to that person.You don't need to mention the topic words to be on topic.
Like many others this week, you made Jesus the proverbial horse. You did a nice job of it too. Showing the boy sprinting for one last look pulled all kinds of emotions from me. You have a wonderful gift. If you haven't checked out Jan's Writing Basics on the message board, I'd strongly urge you to participate. Jan is great at responding to each post and this is a great tool for all levels of writers. You have a gift and I'm eager to read more of your work.