The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a complete and agonizing piece of masterful writing. I breathed and emoted with your main character. I too watch my beloved fade slowly away - mot to cancer but to the ravages of a weakened immune system. We need His strength because we are helpless without Him. Thank you for this . . .
11/14/13
My heart was ripped asunder reading the MC's pain and I just wanted to hug her tightly.

This writing was masterful, powerful, and held a significant and important message.

God will never leave us nor forsake us, who knows why things happen...and it is agonizing to lose a loved one, especially through a major illness all too soon.
But as your ending sums up so eloquently, we have to trust in Him and turn to Him in all ways.

If this is a true story, "My sincere and deepest heartfelt sympathy"

God bless you~
Your opening was outstanding. I felt the suspense and you drew me into the story right away. You revealed the conflict in a way that pretty much anyone could relate to.

Try to avoid words like very, instead of saying very cold, pick one adjective that would get the meaning across like frigid or freezing. Make every word count. If you haven't checked out Jan's Writing Basics on the message board, I'd urge you to. She has wonderful advice for all levels of writers.

You did hit the topic. It wasn't meant to be taken literally so I'm not sure if you needed the fish analogy, but it worked in this case. You gave a good description of grief and God is always there watching us. I'm not sure if people who have died watch over us too, but I know I like to think that Mom is looking out for us and knows how wonderful her grandchildren are. You made me stop and think and pray about that and a good devotion or inspirational story is meant to do just that.
11/18/13
A very interesting take on the topic. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to being haunted by those constant ghosts of the past, whether it be a departed loved one or something tragedy they'd much rather forget. Nice work on this story. It captures the imagination and then the heart.
11/24/13
Congrats! God bless~