The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/26/13
Awww. What a sweet story. I think many people have a childhood story that is similar to this one. There was an old man in my neighborhood that everyone shunned, and he seemed so lonely...I knocked on his door and brought him a hershey bar. His whole face lit up. I think that is when God placed the "calling" in my heart at six years of age for the elderly. So, this story touched my heart.

Sometimes that's all that's needed, a kind gesture can make all the difference in someone's life.

Well done and well written.

God bless~
I love this story. You do a beautiful job of painting a vivid picture. I could see the emotions ooze off the page. (That is meant as a great compliment :))

The only red ink I might offer is you didn't need the last paragraph. You made it clear with your excellent storytelling. I would have ended it with the word lemonade.

You did an outstanding job with this story. It's definitely one of my favorites this week. I really like how the boy resolved his own conflict. This would be perfect for a Sunday School take home sheet. You have a knack for children's stories. Keep writing!
10/31/13
Karen,

Congratulations of your first place win! I loved your story, it was a winner in my eyes, glad to see it was in the judges as well.

God bless~
Congratulations on placing 1st in your level and 15th overall!
11/08/13
Oh I loved how you developed this story. It was endearing to day the least. Well done and congratulations on your 1st place ribbon!