The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/30/13
Wow - this was so powerful! The last line really got to me. Excellent piece!

God bless~
Beautifully expressed. Tragic, the blindness that replaces the wonder, and the refusal to regain the wonder, preferring to remain in darkness. Heartbreaking, to gain the world - and have nothing.
09/02/13
You have very skilfully built the atmosphere of tension, with the last line hurtling out of the screen with zinger force. This should rate extremely well.
The excellent descriptions, story flow and "gotcha" ending made this an enjoyable read. You didn't have the word count to play with but I wondered about the source of the MC's wealth, if his depression had persisted since childhood, and how he had obtained such a darling wife; all the back story. You made me want to know and that is the sign of a good writer. Well done.
09/03/13
Breathtaking. You have such a way with words - every thought was crafted beautifully. The ending was so convicting. LOVE it.
09/03/13
I echo the "Wow!" Excellent writing here. Thanks for a well descriptive story that grabs the attention. Blessings...
09/03/13
Just stunning! I was held enraptured by your storytelling skills. I can see this a the prologue to a great novel.
09/04/13
This story is skillfully and beautifully told. It had the 'must-keep-reading' power that made it a great piece of writing. Very well done indeed!
09/05/13
Congratulations on your very well deserved 1st place win and EC! Now you can move up to Advanced and blow my socks off in passing me! So happy for you!
09/05/13
Congratulations! God bless~
09/05/13
Congratulations on your EC! I love the descriptions and the atmostphere and, of course, the great ending. Keep up the good work!
09/05/13
Congratulations Mike on your well deserved 1st place level and EC win! You are definitely a word artist! This story certainly fits the old saying “There is none so blind as those that will not see.” Great job!
09/05/13
I was captured from the opening sentence to the conclusion of this intriguing piece. The MC was a prisoner in a jail he created--loved the punchline at the end. You leave the reader hanging as to what his decision was--did he go. Maybe a sequel will be answering our questions.
Congratulations on winning in your level and making the EC list.
09/05/13
Congratulations on your win, which is so well deserved. You are destined for many more wins, as God blesses you and others in the growth of your writing ministry.
Congratulations! Happy Dance!!
Wow this is a powerful story. You did a wonderful job with your descriptions. I especially liked the line where peopel with money...It says a lot. For me personally, I think some of the landscaping was overdone. Once I met your MC I was totally pulled into the story and eager to read more about him. It's hard to put so much into only 750 words. Your message is an intense one and I'm delighted to see you moving up the ranks so quickly. You have been a wonderful breath of fresh air and I enjoy reading your work.