The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/22/13
Oh my goodness! I have tears streaming down my cheeks. This was so lovely, and exquisite I am touched and my heart is blessed by this prolific entry.

Sweet rejoicing in knowing our final destination, paradise...no pain, just peace forevermore.


Thank you! God bless~
08/22/13
Very touching, and anyone who has lost a grandparent will certainly relate to this.

Your first paragraph is in 3rd person ("she") and then it switches to 1st person ("I"). In addition, be careful of run-on sentences.

I love the details you added--the room number, the old hymn--all of those made this a fine read.
08/22/13
You do have a way with words. I enjoyed this and felt a lot of emotion while reading it.

Thanks for sharing this touching story.
08/23/13
Wonderful story of a shared final moment in time.

Because I too am guilty of letting sentences and paragraphs wander, I encourage you too chop them up a bit.

Great job, thanks for sharing.