Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Expect (07/11/13)
TITLE: Broken Heart
By Lisa Hudson
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<p>As a young child, I tried to do what was right.&nbsp; I know I didn&rsquo;t always succeed, but I know I never started my day thinking, &ldquo;Who can I disappoint today?&rdquo;&nbsp; I know there were expectations of me, and I had expectations of those around me.&nbsp; I expected my mom and dad to provide a roof over my head and food in my belly.&nbsp; They never failed in that area.&nbsp; I expected to have their love and support, and although it wasn&rsquo;t always in a way I had imagined, I knew I was loved, and I did receive their support if what I was trying to achieve or attain was sensible, and affordable.&nbsp; I&rsquo;m not quite sure what exactly was expected of me, but I quickly learned that if I did as I was told, or spoke to grown-ups with respect, my life was much easier.&nbsp; And I was expected to do my chores, as were my brothers and sister.</p>
<p>As a teenager, the expectations I had from my younger years were completely shattered.&nbsp; I watched my parent&rsquo;s marriage dissolve before my eyes, as my father started drinking way too much, and my mother sort of retreated into her own little world of depression.&nbsp; As is common, I rebelled and tried to find my own way in doing things, just as my parents had.&nbsp; I no longer expected anything from them, or anyone else for that matter, and no one dared to expect anything of me.&nbsp; Our family seemed to break apart and speaking for myself, it was a difficult place to be.</p>
<p>Without adding any more detail, I overcame that time in my life.&nbsp; I was introduced to a loving God who continues to show me daily, His grace and love, and forgiveness.&nbsp; I have learned so many things since I have allowed God to be in control of my life, and I try not to expect anything from others.&nbsp; I repeat, I &lsquo;try&rsquo; not to expect anything from others.&nbsp; It is hard not to expect certain things from my husband, like taking care of the car maintenance, or remembering our anniversary.&nbsp; I don&rsquo;t expect anything from my parents anymore, because they are both deceased.&nbsp; I sort of win by default there.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Now I&rsquo;m a mother.&nbsp; I suppose at 50 years old and after two grown children and one nearly grown, I have earned a right to share my motherly two cents.&nbsp; I am also proud to include the fact that I have been married to the same man, and their father, for 24 years.&nbsp; I am grateful for having been a mother, and I love my kids dearly, but it hasn&rsquo;t always been what I had hoped or imagined.&nbsp; Those are hard words to write down, because I know so many other women who seem to be &lsquo;model&rsquo; mothers.&nbsp; It seems like their kids are always in the right place at the right time, saying and doing the right things.&nbsp; I was sure if I brought my kids up completely opposite of the way my home life had been, meaning our being a church-going family, no drinking, etc., then all would be well.&nbsp; It was a good theory.</p>
<p>Don&rsquo;t get me wrong.&nbsp; I have good kids.&nbsp; So far the two eldest have graduated from high school and are in those first years of trying to find their way.&nbsp; The third is about to start his freshman year in high school.&nbsp; All three are healthy and attractive, outgoing and smart.&nbsp; I believe they grew up with the same expectations I had for my parents.&nbsp; Shelter, food, clothing, etc. was expected, and delivered.&nbsp; But I have to ask myself if it was delivered too easily?&nbsp; I hear many parents express a deep concern for this generation, and how they seem to feel entitled to so many things. &nbsp;Rather than &lsquo;expecting&rsquo; from others and taking a risk of being disappointed, they behave as if they are entitled to whatever they want, and God help us parents who dare to say &ldquo;No!&rdquo;</p>
<p>In recent weeks, I have felt the full weight of trying to use tough-love.&nbsp; Rather than earning respect and honor as their mother, I have received silence, ungratefulness and lack of respect.&nbsp; It just isn&rsquo;t what I had expected&hellip; I understand it may come with time, as we all grow older.&nbsp; I hope they don&rsquo;t wait too long, because tomorrow is never promised.&nbsp; Goodness, this must be how God feels about us, every day.&nbsp; Please forgive me, Lord.</p>
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