The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/13/13
Thanks for a touching reminder that America is blessed to have women and men serving us in far away places and some of them don't come home. Good job.
06/17/13
The song melody was going through my head as I read your words. Thank you for this. We must never forget them.
This is a really powerful story. You did an excellent job of pulling me in right away.

You have a few little errors that a good proofreader could help you catch. Also try not to repeat the same word too many times in a piece this short. If you go back and count, I think you'll be surprised how many times you used the word song or sing.

You did a great job of building the suspense. It reminded me when I was little and had to go into the hospital and how hard it was to say goodbye, for the kids as well as for me. You did a nice job of showing that feeling. You also covered the topic in a fresh way. Even without your last paragraph, I had already paused and said a prayer for those serving their country as well as for their families who are also sacrificing on my behalf. Nice job.