The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/13/13
Interesting approach to the topic. Cancer is a scary word. Unfaithful husbands are scary, too. I wonder what happened with her hubby?
06/17/13
Your MC had several battles going on in her life. I loved her attitude and mood change once she concentrated on the words of the hymn.
This is a powerful story. You do a great job of developing the characters and showed the conflict right off.

You may want to try more showing and less telling. One way is to use dialog and try to stay away from passive verbs.For example: Wiping her sweaty palms on her pants, she trembled as she checked in with the receptionist. "I'm sorry I'm late. Will the doctor still see me?" The receptionist nodded so she slumped down in a chair and waited.
Though that is not perfect, I hope it shows how dialog and active verbs can paint more of a picture for the reader.

You do have a great story here though. I enjoyed how you worked the topic in a creative way. This is a story many people can relate to and it will grant them a sense of peace and hope. Good job.