Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Thump (05/30/13)

TITLE: It Was A Zip
By debbie edwards


“I’d say it was a sound of a thump.” The old man squeaked. “It had to be. That’s the sound of bears when they jump in the house.”
“The way I heard it was a ‘zip’ like the bear jumped on something. The elderly woman replied. “I know the sound of a bear when it jumps on something.”
“It was a thump.” The man repeated slowly and punched his wooden cane into the side of the elevator.
“Ok you two, now stop it.” An over dressed woman bellowed. “It’s bad enough that we are stuck in this God forsaken elevator but we do not want to hear you argue.”
“Why not Marge.” Her husband sighed. “There’s nothing else to do here unless we get rescued.” He then glared at the older woman who slightly belched and did not excuse her self.
“I do not know how these two were even allowed here to begin with.” The woman said and covered her face with a handkerchief.
“They are relative’s of the Attorney Paul Boreguard.” The elevator attendant said dryly.
“Boreguard.” a slick haired well dressed millionaire whistled. “Why that’s the most well known lawyer in the state. Don’t you think so Dorothy?”
“If you say so honey.” The redhead sighed while examining her nails. “When do you think we can get out of here?”
“Look Dorothy I have called everybody! They are working on it ok?”
“BUT I WANT TO GET OUT OF HER BILLY! GET ME OUT OF HERE OK?” Dorothy screamed in his face.
“Heh!” the elderly woman cackled and slid down the wall of the elevator. “And they said we were noisy.” she then pulled out a fat cigar and lit it. “It was a zip Arnie and you know it.”
“A thump.” Arnie slid down the wall next to her.
“Zip.” His wife laughed and lit the stogie.
“Madam expunge the tobacco please.” The elevator attendant groaned.
“Sure.” The old woman whispered and poked the cigar into the wall. “Happy?”
“No madam.” The attendant snorted, “Now you just defaced the property.”
“What did he say?” the woman asked while taking a soggy peach from her purse. She bit down on it hard while sprays of golden peach splattered on the rug as well as the blue stockings of the over dressed woman.
“OH!” the lady stamped her rhinestone studded shoes on the carpet mashing pieces of peach into the knap.
“Oh.” The attendant said sardonically, “Now you have ruined the carpet.”
“Oh I am sorry.” The aged lady heckled sarcastically, “I was just trying to pass the time and this peach was calling to me.”
“That’s quite all right ma’am.” The attendant gulped. “I just do not know what to tell the owner. I have never seen her and her husband. I hope I won’t be dismissed.”
“Oh they won’t care.” The elderly man whispered while moving his dentures with his tongue.
“Sir.” The over dressed woman cleared her throat. “I happen to be best friends with management. They keep this club top drawer, five star.”
“So, how is the wonderful attorney related to you?” the well-dressed gentleman asked.
“Well it’s like this.” The woman once again smiled a crooked toothless smile. “He’s our son.
“That’s right.” The older man confirmed. “Which also makes us the owners of this club, the pool, whole shebang. You see we were blessed with this whole beachfront property years ago. Our son found a cache of gold doubloons washed up on the shore. . Since it was on our property we cashed it in. Our boy wanted to build a resort and club where hard working folks can rest. He insisted that we keep the property and assets so he can take good care of us. Thank you all for spending his birthday with us.” Suddenly, the elevator moved down to the first floor. The couple’s son with other people stood watching the doors open.
“Are you two ok?” the lawyer asked.
“Yes son we are thank you.” His mother smiled. “I just have one question. When we were living in the mountains do you remember that bar that jumped on the cook stove? Was that noise a thump or a zip?”
“Neither.” Their son answered. “It was a plop because I popped him in the head with my rifle. God supplied him for food since we were so poor then and had no food. I have his skin on my office rug.”

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 202 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Beth LaBuff 06/11/13
You've crafted quite a comic tale. :) You are high on the story-telling charts with this. :)
Sunny Loomis 06/11/13
Funny story. Good descriptions of the people in the elevator. Thank you.
C D Swanson 06/13/13
This was great! Hahahaha. I felt like I was watching a mini-episode on lifetime TV! Good dialogue, great interactions, wonderful descriptions, overall a gem.

You have a natural God-given ability to relate a story and bring it to life!

Thanks. God bless~