The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 226 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
06/07/13
I enjoyed this story. You built the the MC well and helped us to feel the fear and insecurity. I especially liked that she thought of doing what her grandmother taught her in praying to help relieve her of her fear. Grandparents can be so influential especially in the faith life of a child.
06/07/13
This is a wonderful story of how we should seek God in all things, especially in our moments of fear. Well written with an excellent message for all to remember. Well done.
Imagination running wild! Good scary tell by flashlight future story.
06/07/13
So you want honest feedback? Honestly, I loved it! :)

Only one tiny bit of red ink. When Chrissy whimpers "I think there is something outside" I'd either use "there's" instead of "there is" (a bit more naturual) or if she's scared and kind of hesitent, then you could say something like: She spoke deliberately, pausing between each word. "I think there is something outside." Either works, I think.

Love this story. Nice job!
06/12/13
I liked that you either purposely or accidentally divided the story up. The storyline is quite simple but you crafted it together in such a way it still captured the reader.
The descriptive parts were longer paragraphs, sucking the reader in, and the shorter paragraphs kept things fast moving and thus building suspense. I was impressed by the flow of this story, that is what makes it stand out from others (in my opinion). Even your sentences where a good length I reckon.
06/13/13
This was an adorable read that held my attention and kept me smiling. Nice dialogue, and superb descriptions. Good job!

God bless~