The Official Writing Challenge
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An ending I definitely did not expect! I thought the build up was good. However, as a constructive critique, I was a little thrown off with how the sentences didn't seem to flow at times. It could be as simple as a little bit more editing and cutting out unnecessary words.
06/08/13
Thanks for that. Yes I know what you mean. I wrote this story and didn't like it, so I kept changing things. As a result I felt it's a little disjointed, upon rereading this I noticed a few editing errors also. But thanks for your feedback, bless you.
This is a fascinating story. The beginning grabbed my attention as I eagerly read on to discover the truth.

You don't need this line: Let me tell you the tale of Mr. Perkins, or Joe as his friends knew him.
Instead just jump in with something like Joe Perkins lived an interesting life.

The ending totally took me by surprise and that doesn't happen much, but delights me when it does. You have so many great messages here that God will use your words to touch many hearts. Nice job.
06/11/13
This entry is interesting and creative. Thanks for sharing.
06/12/13
I was drawn in from the first line to the last. You spin a very good tale, keeping the reader looking for the next line. You have a gift for storytelling and use your words wisely. I look forward to reading your work!
06/13/13
Wow! This was so good! I loved it, excellent job of holding the readers interest, it certainly did mine. God bless~